Does this sound familiar?
He still hasn’t put his socks away. You’re so frustrated. You know he just doesn’t care. You want a nice neat home that fits in with the vision you have of a happy household and a happy marriage. That pile of socks just doesn’t fit. So you remind him. And remind him. And remind him until he glares at you and says “Stop nagging me!” And that just makes you more upset. Somehow that pile of socks became an emblem of your marriage and his refusal to put it away a rejection of you.
Okay, that example is extreme. But look at it again. Do the little things somehow become more important to you the longer they are left undone?
If you care deeply about whatever it is you are reminding your husband about, then it will come out in your voice. Maybe it will be sharp and biting or in that way too sweet tone he really hates. And he won’t do it. Unless he’s truly enlightened, he’ll probably just dig in his heels in response.
One way to stop nagging him is to decrease the emotion you put into the reminder. Before you go talk to him sit down and remind yourself how it is a little thing within the big schemes of thing. Think about the good times you share with your husband and how he does fulfill other responsibilities. Then, when it’s no longer a big issue in your own mind, ask him when he intends to get the task done.
Or you could try a one word reminder. Just one. Like “milk”. Or “bills”. It’s a lot easier to keep a good tone with just one word. It also may make your husband feel less like you’re directing him the less you talk.
You can also choose to avoid direct confrontation. Leave a strategically placed note, preferably with a bit of humor. Or perhaps a list of tasks. Just be careful with that last one. Some men resent the “honey-do” list. When you’re both in a good mood, approach your husband and ask what will work for him.
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Or you could bypass words all together, both written and spoken. Try a physical reminder. Put those socks on his bed pillow instead of out of the way. He knows what’s expected and may grumble and push them aside. Or he might actually put them away.
If all that fails, then make sure you’ve actually had the calm, reasoned discussion about whose job it is to do what. If your own family split the work differently than his and that’s different than your idea of the way it “should” be, then you could be working at cross-purposes. This can happen even years into a marriage, simply because it never really came up.
Remember that in the end nagging comes down to attitude and perception. If you’re concerned that you’re nagging, then you’ll feel bad. If he feels like you are nagging, then you are. It doesn’t matter if you think you are not. Sometimes guys are irresponsible, but you married a good guy, and want to treat him like one. So try these tips to stop nagging him and start getting things done.
