You’re dragging home at the end of the day, chores looming ahead of you, and the last thing you want to do is bolster your husband’s ego or soothe your wife’s worries. In fact, you’re uncomfortably aware of how easy it would be to end up in a full-blown argument when you’re in this kind of mood.
So start the evening off strong by saying something positive and nice about your spouse. You’ll feel better for not acting grouchy and he or she will be more open and willing to forgive any cranky slip ups you might make later on.
1. Thank her for something. It doesn’t much matter what, although the best openers are for something small that’s really her job anyway. You expect her to bring in the mail, for example, but a small “Thanks for putting the mail on my desk,” lets her know that you notice she’s doing it and that you appreciate her.
2. Tell him he’s right about something. Even if it’s something that you would normally argue with and that you don’t feel is true from your point of view. Don’t lie. Just stop long enough to see how it could be correct for him. You can always follow it up, like this, “You’re right. I can see how that could make sense if you’re six feet tall, but from down here, I’m looking right at a part of that statue I don’t want to see.”
3. Point out something positive about your life together. Maybe you could look around and comment on how much you like the room, or that the two of you were able to build this house, or that the weather reminds you of that day on the bridge when the two of you kissed till the policeman stopped you.
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4. Express love. Unconditionally. No “I love you, but…” or “I love you, Honey. By the way, did you do take my suit to the dry cleaner’s?” Just say “I love you” While looking straight in his eyes and then leave it hanging there, without any expectation of a return comment. If that’s out of character then perhaps the two of you have a special phrase that will get the same message across.
5. Keep a smile on. As odd as it sounds, our face can control our emotions to some extent. We know that our emotions show on our face, more or less depending on how much control we have, but there is such a connection between the body and the brain that it works a bit the other way around also. If you deliberately adjust your body language to being open and loving then these things will be easier to say. And a little easy in the first moment leads us to larger and larger moments where you can positively influence your spouse and grow the relationship between you.
